Our Culture's New Unhealthy Obsession With Lists

10 Things You Didn't Know About Crossfit

5 Of The Best Times To Drink Coffee

50 Photos Of Cute Kittens That TOTALLY BLEW MY MIND


People seem to have an obsession with lists these days. Things that can be easily turned into metrics, and then ticked off, one at a time, so at the end of the task we get a mini feeling of completion. I do it at work all the time. In fact, I do it everywhere.

Fix bike. Check

Buy new shoe-laces. Check

Go to the gym. Check

Socialise with friends. Check

Eat. Breath. Sleep. Check.


It's got to a point where our lives are just a series of hoops to jump through. Digital binaries: complete or not complete. Is this all there is nowadays?

Yes, lists have their place, they're a useful tool for articulating our goals and plans. But we start becoming owned by the list. And therein lies the problem.

We need to re-instate our ownership over The List again. We need to remind ourselves to enjoy the journey, not the destination. Because even if we are able to finally tick those tasks off, we miss something vital if all we look forward to is crossing it out.

The Idea Of Feeling Like You "Deserve Something"

For a long time, I've agreed with this blog post.

In summary: WHY do you think you deserve something over someone else? No-one deserves anything, they need to work for what they have. Both the author of the linked blog and myself see a lot of people saying they deserve a lot of things... for no reason at all. "I deserve a better job": not if you're incompetent. "I deserve a nice person to be with": not if you're an asshole. As if it's their God-given right to have something. The author Ayn Rand is another big player for this idea, even coming up with her of philosophy on it: Objectivism.

But then I read this post (in particular, the line: "The first step to getting the things you want is to believe you deserve them."), and it put the idea of "deserving something" in a different light.

It put the idea of deserving something as a pre-requisite to frame your mentality before you're able to put the work in. So, after thinking that you deserve things, you also understand that you need to work to get it and you then put the work in.

It's ultimately a gauge of self-esteem. The greater your self-esteem and idea of self-worth, the more you think you would deserve it: if you put the work in. And I totally agree with this way of thinking. We all deserve great things, the good life, the mansions. But we've got to be willing to put in the work.

So next time I hear someone saying, "I deserve X", I'll agree with them. But I hope they'll have a good work plan set up for them to then achieve that goal. Because I don't believe that geniuses are born. Geniuses are sculpted, hour by hour, as they hone their skills towards mastery. I don't know if it takes 10,000 for mastery, but I believe that Mozart, Shakespeare, and Voltaire were all great because they were willing to put in the time to realise their full potential. And I think if we all went about life in the same way to realise our potential, we'd realise we have more power to create great work - and we'd deserve more - than we think.

An Extremely Stoic Perspective

In the grand scheme of things: civilizations rise and fall. Stars will swell up large and red and then pop out of existence. In five billion years, our own star will engulf the planet. The universe is slowly, unstoppable moving towards a state of disorder, like how sandcastles slowly fade back into the sand. And this disorder means the end of life. Whatever we produce will eventually be lost or destroyed or forgotten. If we're truly a great influence in society, perhaps what you put your name to will be talked about for the next few hundred years. Hey, you might be the loudest voice of our generation, of our civilisation, or our species, but that voice will eventually be lost - as if it never existed - when the universe becomes lifeless. If a tree falls in the forest with no-one to hear it... does it make a sound?

But you argue: yes, what we produce in isolation might fade, but what about the effect it has on society from years to come? If we create the tiniest grain of innovation in our lives, we leave one more inch of foundation for people to work on in the future. We will be immortalized by being another rung in the ladder for humanity's technological ascent. We may be a tiny drop in an endless ocean... but what is an ocean, but a multitude of tiny drops?

But I retort: you're thinking too short-scale. In a few trillion years, all stars will have burnt out. Like the sandcastle, there will only be atoms floating, spaced out in the universe. All there will be are inert particles floating through the vast darkness. Ultimately, everything is destined to die.

You could see this ideology as an existential crisis. And I guess it is. But ultimately, it's a liberating concept. If we just stop from the rat race for a moment, we are able to re-frame everything we do, based on this perspective. All of a sudden, that business opportunity that you've been stressing about stops to matter so much. The pursuit of money gets put back into it's correct place. I can lose perspective and put money on a pedestal, before happiness or health. I think a lot of people can do it: working countless hours so that they are able to say that they have a bit more money. But it doesn't matter.  Ultimately, none of that matters, because none of it will ever remain. Religious people will say, "you can't take your riches to the afterlife". But that's too short-term minded. Some people will say, "I can pass my wealth down to my kids", but that's too short-term minded. Those kids will have their kids will have their kids... until eventually, humanity goes extinct. It might take billions of years, but it is inevitable.

So what is the point of working hard? Why even bother? Well - now it's import to think short-term. We need to work hard so that in five, ten years, we'll be financially stable. That stability is the foundation to being able to do other things, to being happy. We might spend 30%, maybe even 60% of our time working to build that foundation, but we've got to keep perspective and think that the foundation isn't what we're working towards. What we're working towards is the grand palace we can build on top of it. And that palace is our happiness. Finding meaning and joy out of life. Even if it is just a flash in the grand scheme of things.

Knowledge is just a tool that we need to use so that we are able to be happy. We can be so fixated on learning knowledge that it becomes everything we strive for. But we need to remember that knowledge is means to an end. Yes, we can add value to society with our knowledge. We might even progress humanity forward with our knowledge: we might become the new Einstein's of our generation and create a new scientific age. We might be the best writers, artists, sports personalities or intellectuals: leaving a legacy after our death. This is invaluable to society - from a knowledge perspective. And seeing as you're adding value into society, you'll be worth something to society, which means that you'll be paid money for the work you do within society, which can act as your foundation. And then we come back to that final perspective - that foundation is there for you so you can be happy.

We need to work hard so that we can enjoy right now. Because ultimately: all that remains is right now. This moment. I can stop worrying so much about trying to be better, working to be rich or financially stable, or trying to leave a a tiny mark on this world before I pop out of existence again. I can take a deep breathe in, and re-find the beauty right in front of me.

Doing what's expected of you & sticking to "the plan"

I think everyone has a sense of duty. A feeling of burden when it comes to living up to other people's expectations of you. A feeling of honour. And different people have a lot of different expectations of you. Your mum wants you to "be happy", and get a family. Your friends want you to entertain them and make your company enjoyable to them. Your boss wants you to add the value you're being paid for to the company. I'm sure some people get this feeling of duty more than others.  It might be a cultural thing as well - as I'm writing this, I'm reminded of the Chinese/Eastern culture of strictly trying to live up to your parent's expectations of you.

I know I've certainly had this feeling. With regards to adding worth to society: first with my father, as a child, and now at work. Every time I make a mistake at work, I feel the weight of expectation growing larger. And recently that burden has started to feel unbearable.

And sometimes, the biggest burden of expectation that I have, is the expectation I have of myself. I have very high expectations of myself, and maybe I've let them get away from me as I've found it harder to keep all of them in check. I'm very aware of the brief time we all have on this Earth, and I want to fill my life with meaningful activity and leave having made a real positive impact.

I've started turning everything into tasks. "Go shopping. Eat. Sleep. Shower. Work out. Play football. Got to work. Socialise. Meet a nice girl. Ask her out so that I'm not alone by the age of 40".

This burden has even become so great at work that I've started to become unproductive because of it. Every time I make a small mistake, I find it harder to think. And it's a downward cycle from there.

Something's got to give.

I could either go full-on crazy and quit my job, untie myself from anything linked to society as we know it and go on a complete bender travelling around the world doing crazy shit. Sometimes I feel like I want to do this one.

Or I could recognise the problem and try to shift my outlook on what's going on.

I used to enjoy work. Enjoy the challenge. Enjoy the mastery of being able to use a new piece of equipment. Now I just see it as a necessity. Something that needs to be understood to continue business as usual. And therein lies the problem.

Awareness of people's expectation of me has completely shifted my outlook of things being "fun activities" to "necessary tasks so that I can function in society and not look like a friendless crazy person."

And, in a weird way, my own expectations of myself - to have a meaningful life - has counter-intuitively sapped all the fun and meaning out.

What can I do about it?

Well, I need to make things enjoyable again. This, in turn, means that I need to do a few things:
1. Stop caring so much about people's expectations
2. Be mindful about turning everything into tasks: stop to enjoy the moment every now and again
3. Just do what I want to do and if people don't like it... well, that's their problem.

Of course... there are complications. I can't rock up tomorrow and, after my boss telling me, "Guy we need to study a few of these devices", just turn around and shout in his face, "FUCK YOU AND YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!". No. I don't think that would go down very well (although, thinking about it, it's funny how many films use this form of emotional release for their protagonists. I can think of two straight off the bat: Fight Club and Wanted. I guess a lot of people feel the same way I'm feeling).

But I can start doing things for me again. Within the rules. I need to study a few devices? Sure. That's fine. But I'll see if I can fiddle around with something, learn something that's not necessary, but just for me. I'll start trying to add fun back in.

Then, after that, I'll start re-addressing what expectations are truly necessary for my well-being. Yes, I have a duty to entertain my friends to a point, but in the end, if I turn around to them and say "fuck your expectations" (in a friendly way, of course), and they disappear, well, they weren't friends to begin with anyway.